Extra Sauce Episode 23: Not Getting Lucky With Online Dating? Steve Dean Can Help!

Thursday, August 17th

Steve Dean is an Online Dating Consultant...yes, that's right, ONLINE DATING CONSULTANT.  What is that exactly?  Steve explains it to Greg and Mike as well as answers questions about how to get lucky in the online dating scene.  You can learn more about Steve at DateWorking.com.  


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Welcome to the extra sauce podcast. Found so offensive. Would this jar of sauces. Red pill. Before you met he amazing missed Q. There was no such thing is online dating when your on the dating scene Ryan there's almost no such thing is dating a I like I got really lucky I don't mean just 300 al-Qaeda general in general and in order to meet a woman you had the meter and a church social learn. Some kind of at the ice cream shop bird rise soda fountain and all I'm how is always a place on the ball was there is doing now grown up in Natick we have several malls and those of you cruise the malls and you need for the chicks he probably didn't meet many girls junior hang out defining games outside aren't surprisingly difficult to have women talk to you while you're wearing a Star Trek uniform he I don't know why that is thought. Well this week on the morning show. We talked about dating profiles because a woman who listens to our program was not having much luck in the online dating scene. And when it comes to exercise. We thought we might go out. And get a little extra sauce on the online dating scene there are thousands. Online sites and apps where one can go to meet women and so. We went out and found and and this exists in our country at this point an online dating consultant. Who is named Steve dean. And Steve is in New York City he's on line countless. Dating apps and web sites enemy checks. And he burned his job of for his child to like something LB would say is that it's for is job. But he's gonna give us a little extra size and not only profiles. But how to message and how to make the online dating scene work for you and Steve thank you for joining us on an extra sauce. Yeah absolutely I'm I'm really happy actually my first I'm hearing about but it was more. I want to. First of all find out exactly what an online dating consultant is and and what one does. And that you have a lot of people apparently. I would say it started off with a mean typical thing for individuals who basically needed help with. If they're going on date or mandating profile war from the book of photos good messages. On navigating. Entering and exiting relationships out of the break of two. And then moved into. The that would be publicly but he coaching route but then it moved into something more like. Companies actually reaching epidemic well I heard you're on you know like that basically abdicating answered once and being actively across multiple that is. Thank you public that a product you know but you know make this a little bit more. Comparing which feature to react when are we want our our competitors doing. So. That way and now the company Capello more than individuals the most ardent though I mean besides you vote. And then their service providers really early you know all these different founders in the industry and your outlook there and so. There have been at such as the leading industry or have anything to do with relationships I've been covering it to a certain extent. So at one point you were on fifty different dating answer our website. But I weren't well over 200 now today I opened on improves your odds I'm guessing man and improve your odds or not it really doesn't it doesn't know. I think there's some wisdom and thinking is something that with the platform that you can use really well here to Peter go to Twitter doesn't mean you're gonna be credit FaceBook posting are ready on medium. So sometimes like knowing the platform an out and be really at at and it is. There are over 3000. Dating sites and apps out there is cracked. Over 7000 over it's over senator there's over seven doubt. People are horny I mean and that's it that's clear that that's illegal confidence and which it the beauty which have you found to be most successful closers. A lot of people who are listening to podcasts you're probably haven't not having a lot of lock. I think the interesting thing is that it is very so much based on number of factors you know if you want to be successful in just. Finding someone to marry then you know what you're looking injury harmonies and your match dot com. Immediately the if you're looking excellently casualty. Then you can morally unity cupid tenders fumbles happen hinge. Talking me daylight bank basically those are the ones that you're. They're much more structured for a casual dating. A little bit less serious political meet people who look closer to that serious side. And then to the kicker hooked up and you have you know you're acting like. Pure which is I think a relative newcomer veto a couple years. But you get a profile picture and at that there's no tax. We are really so I was just or it's just a photo dead as the flow year or location law how many how many of those people are using photos that are actually from this century means is set. And the beauty of it is certainly the demand for taxes so. Strong from men now tell me about it and don't even that women don't even have to use photos of themselves you do with a photo of the table and everyone of the kind of market it. Have a cup of coffee and am I better about 85 people in then ultimately you proposal in line for hours so. And child who. And events and ambitiously about him out yet and I'm trying to figure out which is worse ice coffee or hot cup MFA I guess why do you want it to be lukewarm what. A lot in that. Kind of built on. This is that the articulate there's so such high demand. But there's so little relatives supply in terms of what women who feel comfortable having sent too late morning and the Internet is not really I think that's. Women need they already get enough people on every other day eating out what things back. The career that you know you were gonna really be open to a situation where they're dealing with Papa but. We spoke that our our. We spoke a lot about profiles on the show this past week in and so might make shoes suggested that. We get a little extra sauce on that hole and higher. On line and and that app pointed dating scene and so I guess from a profile perspective he's seen the best and you've seen the worst. Oh do what works and what doesn't work. I think it's really gonna depend on a couple in those first to depend on. Your gender because that's gonna be one of the most billion variable in terms Blake. They experience. Men and women data online is like night and day. You know he opened an African woman Denmark and it over the Brandon usually they in the first place they have been online many dating after receiving a hundred messages. Detrimental to the hundred messages and ten years maybe. A that's very simple. Simple little yeah but that the changes how you structure your profile I think he. Because women received seven messages then it's important for them to be able to corporate profile to give people more to talk about the nuclear looks so. You get the photos the first thing in the African gonna do him. But Peter further comment on the photo. And appropriate that even if you've had a profile tech beat average demand will build up the leader rather than comment on the photo and never even open your profile and those but at least though when you date certain sanctity messaging filters you can open up the crap. There women generally if you create a profile that actually did that require cost an airline if you could poke I would have a lot. Really compelling point but showcase what your life actually looked like settlements and I'm reading it get a sense of like oh this is your story. It does well I could give myself sitting in. They include in the valley query like to go things you like to do on behalf of the non generic as possible because you know. The average person within that there's a woman as. Let's save hundreds of connected to your inbox and he's going to reply to one and only one person maybe you. You know you're a your method beat them compelling but also you know your profile if that doesn't check out there that you know can relate to bullet there's. You know nothing to really work with there and then it's less likely that he'll Paraguay. They are makes what I think makes a message. Compelling main guy I think we eat you do a great job of demonstrating. From time to time. The basic. Neanderthal. Let's get together and banged. Message and those who do not appear to be that effective if it it seems. It seems to me. And this is what we know about women anyway that than that humor is an amazing approach in a message is that really important to women. The community and let those people are dramatically different that the camera sent an open humored you get. Walked intact so frequently brought people think they're being funny and with a look at that note what the hell that I am I am. The thing to remember and messaging is I think really the primary thing that potential time. So put the weighted average user then under an hour per week and all that landed in. And excuse then take Alec about it a couple of different out there on the different messages they've received. And corporate income probably delving like they're only really great physically when you have ever to make sure critters and they're gonna redirect for about four. And in the fourth second bite out of their attention do you capture and the company get more attention just because of the message itself what you need to find a way to take that offline. And so if you if you give someone question it says that makes them happily provide the content Gerlach that they calendar day. You'll never get a reply you don't want to be the one on line kicking around on your phone. I think hundred mile an early this week that might and I know nothing about your I don't know whether that and you're you're making me provide content for your life. That's not gonna. Well I can hide Jorge or what not all the things make it immediately filtered into the pulpit folder up people I will never. If any time mistake here now at the culture been online in a week. Hoping to find them is interest thing and the last thing you want to do with the the method for the one word to where it. And let them finding his. There for the that does that translate what that actively and to date I hated structure usually into three parts. It be why you would put interest in the that you. Like when you're referring to the person you're messaging. What is it you can envision. Doing it together. Ideally with a time of their parents that I eat there at the things coming up. But I thought your interest in the kind of thing what they like Italian cooking. There's actually a cooking class. We're back coming up but there's you know make a couple days I'll and then. I am going whether you like and I you know like I'm part of my life that I like it was so this thing so I'm going to be there. You're welcome to join. Them lately not pressuring someone you're not saying they're like oh you're gonna be with me make me you know what you look like now I'm like I'm already understand or be doing the things. And you know if you want to be president distinction between now and then you can join me. And the woman are decked and well the the woman should actually confirm. That there is a legitimate Italian cooking class going on Ryan is not a trap price rise and again court. I'd I'd I'd link out like crazy let's look at my messages include a link to the thing that's happening word you know sometimes it's. And I I thought that it hiking trail that I haven't been to a four and that you mention it again. I'm going to be going on Saturday and commendable that I'm bringing prescribe you know like he wanted to that's very game and then. I think ultimately Europe person you do things that they. You know I think this outside the span of mine romantic desire. He's got loud leading to remind people in if that's not typical way to do so beautifully here we go you know we yours is the leading human kind. I think that. That's the kind of that the women are evenly it's really crappy yeah that's the equivalent of an epidemic women so rarely and the first message and master data on their way to cap took. And even then they particularly hey I've looked up. But. Eight I think that on currently what men have to do in order to send back messages because it's so rare that women actually send them. I think it's worked across underlines that idea like look I hate going from your profile direct unit either understated and a lot of things. Overlap here and there and I'm a Republican in going to go do the activities that directly of about what we put your interest and so. I'm going to go in or whether it's about a month to mandate it simply now. I'm going it would probably be where you're going to do how. How often do you receive. On the 5000 apps that Iran Iran. And overtly sexual message from a woman and I am I'm getting and I'm getting the vibe here the men. That's what they rely on but it did do women send those as well. And the liberators whether or not making profile. So I this view that is particularly if your profile leader have a torture OPEC and the first couple lines really paid a typical profile on the busy professional. But I use this once he's let the extra people think that's actually strongly respected by women. Yeah and I could do that and eliminated the thing that really I get that right at LA what an earlier working on important should be here than a couple of isolate there's a lot of respect because from that and when the first message to them in cases like. Hey do you and me in my place it is the thing. But it of course. It's a lot of time right. Now but they that there are different from when someone's profile of what I'm looking for it here's relationship and any kind of after the Olympic tribute dunk and they have. So I you have to understand the context here yeah yeah well it. I think this cycle that is in terms of women sending them maybe gotten like two in seven years. The car. Do you hope over a hundred you know you know he. You mentioned Don on Samir blogs that you should have some kind of creative question. On your profile. Like something just kind of random. Or out of the blue and and you can kind of gauge on how that person answers the question. Yeah I mean come down to the intentional I conveniently I would not paying them detention your profile. If you don't have anything compelling in their imprisonment direct reason to send your message. Then what are they gonna do I have to think up some other thing that you don't have any content and what they reply to that you don't have to call to action what are they gonna do it. They pick you let the line literally user experience that I have only have to think through how do we make it sold simple for the user pretend they're a type your old. Thank you put under a two year old at the point that. We'll give them the simplest possible and to respond to but something that's not going to be generic important so they sometimes to me that'll be something like what. The last time that you have between your mind about something or. IPhone to be more action oriented you know what topic your point seventeen populist and well the valley there entered and be our first date and so it gives them are really easy way to. Don't have permission to send the message about the direction the content particular I took. Until that reduces the barrier that someone that the junior in the first place but otherwise they think through the volatile and that person. And that opera that the pressure second that you don't have. Very people don't spend enough attention would probably the and into the meat to be able to you know focused on you care about you to the new method that required them to think extensively about what percent. Especially when the Iran and they're not used to having at the. For those who might be ancient like myself and and but the did when they do needed. They dated in a way that they met somebody at an event or at a ball are and they interacted with that person. In a physical hinder brain in person and an actually spoke to that person using their voice. But did that but there are listening and saying you know what I am I'm I wanna try to get dip my toe into this. That's not code that's not code what. What do you think is the best way for somebody do that who is you who is not you know who's just not. They're not going to be on tender than they're not going to be a mumble there what's the best way for them to kind of get into this and understand now works. And I mean I thought they are not that different from. Going into a bar like the site itself as the bar your profile as the only threat than comport yourself. You're met this is the first line that you say to them and let him play if you're in a bar with someone actually watt envelope of the data intact thank. Your land over the summer and basically it I would call it the fastest possible route toward getting. On a date with someone because you walk in their direct OK that is too loud the colored that they are we seeing Lee flick or yellow. Those of honey and bee pollen yellow color if you aren't as. Feel that the only got an idea that here at the well there's a play to his people and so the first thing you walk up to someone. And you say okay this place is really annoying do you wanna go out to the other place now. Until except you know that even bothers me you know you make eye contact you by you noted that you know they may be interest that when you suggest. Going somewhere else very adept at being the coming up if you count on the lookout for a few minutes you can quickly they would use have a good I've. You can then say they don't realize I'm I'm gonna actively Andorra is going to be heading up to the plate turncoat in lieu intimate friends to overcome. Well like although things are perfect first messages are dating site. You know I notice that limit your profile or Alec if your profile is crap. The equivalent of walking to a bar trap blocking ways or its equivalent particularly even appear first Methodist crap again. You know it's gonna show but you know who didn't bother then. You know there online at some of the things that you have to realize that it's not a different world you know you don't have to be interesting and thought to be compelling stuff to the not a confrontational. You know it's interesting without being picked up. You know it's I think it's I'm feeling sad. And to be the Boehner killer here okay I'm feeling sad because. There's 7000 something apps for this and like Greg said used to have to go and actually speak to people and I feel that now. There's going to be and I think we've talked about this before Greg there's there's like a lost art of communicating between human beings. But he got an app part after you have sex. All right I was a Howard. Ethic that I think that's what it is now and that the communicating sets after after the sack and I feel we're losing something like humanity in did that all the whole of humanity is losing some sort of art form. Pretty much. You know. Face to face. There's meet someone at a party turn out to get cold later. I like the ability is that people extensively at a time because lately. In the last like 10200 that it has been on lake they've been. Almost exclusively people like keep in my life because they're often have better than at a time and you were there already and mutual friends that have already some degree alignment there. We met in person than a little out provincial and shipped to go. They can get the main problem accommodating to people or realized how to do it right and I think it's incredibly powerful fortress society. I'm thinking you know right so many of my friends have met most of their close friend through online dating you know literally don't look like OK cupid message people who are high match. Defense and invite them to go a different thing you know it. And the heck happened there romance happens at some point in there that's fine in the lake you know it's it's just the new way finding people and vetting them at a time. I would assume there's hours I would assume that call either. Ends up pretty high on the crazy hot matrix. You know I mean yeah. There and as soon as tomorrow my day and I were getting better and better at taking good photos a lot of video dating epic announced you have more of a sense of what looks like at a time and now it's here say thank you I torture camp or FaceBook or something implemented increasingly linked funding front you know that you're not intact first. Or so even though there cult leader of their high net still OK as long as they're hot that's our athletes and they blew through it. They record there's a you don't know that about the person at a time and then an on line dating right you have bad proper. Between the part Larry you're interested in the artery actually meet where he can do a little bit every surgery in China Rory in China Rory in illegal send it out. Little program. And realize that often times. That you are already in the hormone too long before you'd have many of your gate at capabilities and act and so like. And there are pretty solid accurate the person that you're willing to forgive thing that would otherwise. They make a home oh not gonna matter and I'm not a fan of meeting up. Just think it's fate. The blue with someone. But definitely if we hadn't previously discussed the online experience I've ever been such a huge fan of online games and I think it makes a profit so much simpler. Reduces so many other. That with Richard excellent dating is that's really they think of when you meet so I think this year compared to manipulate meeting someone at. But what about a party here with a vital harper our friend you know like that's when you know like the whole community leaders pretty much better than it was weird putting pressure style people. But. I think it would mean for the department. Certainly more than he too late you're already you know under the influence but it doesn't. Bring more than one. A lot of people who get her feet as far as there's also just the fact that Blake. It's obviously a little bit darker louder you don't have as much. Stick up and I didn't have any background information person can be directly lying. And these. When you've got an online. You can usually caught alive pretty quickly and into the dating up now like they want to meet her friend a friend anyway. Up you can already say that you know chicken at FaceBook. Actually happened the treatment for me that Alan would welcome meeting in other occasions like FaceBook and engines like. No but suddenly in double a batteries in the completely normal person with normal friends market. Some of the that Daly knows. There's the thing women fear for their lives. We get any further a fun thing relegating it. What in the world online dating. Live in fear that they're going to be murdered by the person and meet men here at the the first name need is going to be. A and yes. Well that's a night and day difference resonant and important to remember Utley after Amber's late date are of a threat to win and they're usually the number one cause of that for women their age. It remind everybody that that removed reminds me a question when it comes to honesty we talked a lot about this during the profile discussion it seems that there are many. Cool are not totally honest in their profiles whether it is a photo that they use from awhile ago. Whether they tell you that there are not looking to just to have sex weather today. Tell you that they don't care how much money you make as a man hour hour what you're ages. Do you advocate for total honesty. In the profile. Or is that only if you want to what happens to lead to a relationship later on. And whoever has the play that game with a sliding in all honesty so I think here. The woman who is 32 years old. Who knows statistically that men usually separate filters to under thirty. And so should I let stupid because Blake I locally and thirty year under. And there's no reason why the stupid algorithm that the site should act arbitrarily bar me from so mean. Thousands of men simply because I'm two years older than my movements as they're arbitrary filters so late. In those cases it more likely alive and they're like you know and I'm gonna complain to thirtieth and about it. Are made even cleanup and so like that's the case where someone. Maybe it started off a thirty to realize shortened getting that many messages racial and getting the kind of attention she expected from the site and that she could see the filter and he liked the change. The kind of dynamic in the mutual included her profile like hey you know like that wage because a clear search filters are stupid typical. But there are gone because now that simply yet to. Trick the other than a little bit because the other than that never necessarily working for you frequently that you were intent is yet to kind of take that into account. Until the other kind of lively with photos you know you're going to be found out quickly enough. And it's one of the things really what is that. Do you wanna be starting that dynamic with someone on that putting where he put in an uncomfortable scenario weather like. You were not the person that sides expecting to manipulate data to. I think that's not really the way you'd cover over the first such a quick look at their photos. That's when you're dating but are out there who will happily put you up with like a really nice set of photos asteroid probably under 205. And many regulate them better that's sort of that's been given that Kalin differently on the front of the vehicle market a walk in the park to get and voters are up about. You know like there's funny ways you do not have to line. And I think it here. So desperate that year in need of line rather than putting in the work I actually. Giving a better job than you know. Wonder what do you expect to be the result and people look at it you're flying and you know kind of shook expected and the first let. The interest inordinately. There's there's two really interesting it is one of the hit them like if you are. Eight unconscionable that you acted. Our recent divorce and immediately if I think that I have kids and immediately going to lose. You know like 80% of women beaten from the site because they there's no later at such an ever since. They if you try to date someone and and they find out that you over the line her hiding your kids who make you probably. That's a super skills and relationship but it's a really good person who otherwise would have been fine but the fact that you like me and now question now whether that's the direct relations. About a huge party Carolina. Then it properly there's site lets see that usually more compelling it to make it be your best now what will appear decisions or appears story. Known to get in the bill that I love my in the pocket also relates. And you've if you into the cold related income and hang out we will do really culture that. And by the way I'm not gonna have another one so though and that's yet to say that too soon remember that that particular paper over their. Credit well listen this is day and it. Very interesting. And Steve Allan thank you for joining us and for giving us a little extra sauce on the jungle. And that is apparently are on line gaming and and is 7000. Different sites and apps that are out there it's. And I assume you're probably on one right now because you are on top immensely proud again your brilliant messages right now ordered doctor. I'm perfectly content. But I don't remember hopefully you know minorities summoning up the through part. It earlier sending you'll get back to sending messages and it and and thank you thank you very much for joining us. Who's the Kroger. For more on how to find your future spouse scored to just get laid. This is Steve. Our order meter cult leader apparently visit Steve's. Online at Dayton working. Dot com. A mistake when networking I'm gonna network and we'll we'll see what happens with the working now or I guess you can hire him as a consultant. Right that's right I know you have problems the guy is on 7000 sites. Cast a wide net as they. Thank you for listening this week to exercise. If you enjoy it please subscribe. On iTunes. That chair or who will play.