Not A Creature Was Stirring, Except For This Drunk Guy Pooping On A Random Porch

December 20, 2019

Twas’ the weekend before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for a random drunk guy pooping on a porch.

I’m trying not to judge because, you know, we’ve all had our moments.  But I definitely never did a blackout dump on someone’s porch.(I’ve always made it to some sort of recepticle). But this guy tries to get in, then decides the front part of the porch closest to the street is the best place.  Probably because it has better lighting so he can see what he’s doing.  But it doesn’t matter because he ends up falling into it and smearing it all over the the place with his bare ass.  I’m hoping he stopped at a food place during his crappy walkabout.  That’s a whole other surveillance video story.  This could also be a great way to discourage porch pirates as long as your packages don’t get covered in feces.  That could ruin the Holidays.

According to the story the mystery dumper is still at large.  The owner of the home has the police on the case and he’s just looking for an apology.  Must be feeling the spirit of the season because I would wan't some kind of HAZMAT charges brought up.

How long until we have a channel dedicated solely to door bell cams?  I’d pay extra for that.