Can Mike Hsu Poop Like A Champion?

August 30, 2019

At first I thought Poop Like A Champion was a joke.  Turns out, it is very real.  So of course I had to go on Amazon and buy a box of this "ultimate colon cleansing formula" because they use "Poop" in the name and I am basically still 12 years old.  I was hesitant at first because I thought this was just a novelty and I would be getting knockoff Fiber One made at a former Nuclear plant in Kyrgystan.  But it was this review that made me pull the trigger:

"I'm on a low carb diet, and I thought this would be a great cereal to try. The order arrived Saturday. I'd just finished a 2 mile walk - and I'd had a lot of water to drink as suggested in other reviews. I tried a bowl (1/2 cup) with almond milk and a little fruit. It tasted ok - nothing spectacular. More water. More walking. Nothing. More water. More walking. Nothing. I decided that another 1/2 cup bowl might work, so I had another 1/2 cup bowl that night for dinner. More water. More walking. Nothing. And then the cramps started. I was up all night with stomach cramps and gas. I had many "false alarms" throughout the night. But nothing. Based on what was happening in my stomach, I was almost afraid to fall asleep, but I finally did around 4 a.m.
The cramps were gone the next morning. I had a "normal" low carb breakfast of coffee, bacon and eggs. Nothing. We went shopping - did a lot of walking - nothing. We needed to make a quick run to Walmart, and as soon as I stepped in the door it hit me. I had to go. Like right then. Luckily, the restrooms were by the front entrance. I'd like to take a moment to express my deepest condolences to anyone that was in the other stalls in the restroom. It wasn't pretty. And I couldn't stop going. I remember thinking, "So this is how I'm going to die. In a Walmart restroom." When I finally returned to the store, my husband looked concerned.

I had 2 less traumatic movements later in the day, but I stayed close to home. I was NOT going to risk another emergency. After another crazy bowl movement this morning, I'm beginning to wonder if I've done permanent damage to my digestive system.

Bottom line - it works - you just may need to wait for it. DON'T eat more than recommended. You'll regret it."

How could I not?  

The video above shows my first sampling of Poop Like A Champion.  The recommended serving size was half a cup.  But who measures cereal?  I just did the basic pour and milk and went to town.  There were no immediate results.  In fact, there were no results at all for a WHOLE DAY!  I started thinking this was some elaborate fiber prank being conducted by the Russians on Americans obsessed with their regularity.  The next day I had to do a marathon 13 hour broadcast at the WAAF Blood Drive at the Sheraton Framingham Hotel.  This was concerning because I still hadn't "pooped like a champion" and I planned on donating blood.  My biggest fear was having it kick in while I was on the table with a needle in my arm and blood flowing out of me.  What would I have to do?  Grab the blood bag and run to the men's room?  Would I make it?  What if I didn't and I pooped like a champion while lying there in a room full of blood donors and flebotomists?  Not only would it be embarassing but I would most certainly ruin the medically sterilized area and possibly contaminate the blood donations on hand.  I didn't want to be the guy on the news who ruined a blood drive by crapping my pants.  I risked it, made the donation without incident and continued the broadcast without a hint of championship movement.  Finally the next morning I was able to evacuate without a medical emergency.  Thankfully I heeded the advice of the reviewer and waited.  

Will I buy it again?  Probably not.  $12.00 for a small box of cereal is ridiculous.  Do I feel like a champion?  Kind of...a lighter one.