GOING DEEPER: The No Phone (Call) Zone

January 11, 2019

A 508 texter wrote in... "I'm on a dating app. Why do women prefer only texting when numbers are exchanged? What's the point of having a phone if you don't use it for calls?"

Well... look at this little gem we have here. First, I'm not speaking to anyone on the phone if I can help it. I'll go back and forth with 5828 text messages instead of making a 9-second phone call to clear things up. I kid, I kid, but there are a lot of reasons why people (not just women) may prefer to text initially instead of chat on the phone. Let's explore them:

You just started talking. Congrats. You've made a match with this person, and you've moved from the app to the phone number. (Bonus, unless it's a burner number, you may be able to do a little digging for info on the person with this.) You've started chatting periodically. It's still early. Pump the brakes. You're still in the VERY early stages of the getting-to-know-you game, and unless you're great at conversation, there is a big chance that things will stall out early and you'll have awkward pauses. Granted, if you meet someone in person, you're likely having this conversation organically, but there is less pressure. Why? You're likely out, with people around you who can share the burden of talking. You are afforded the opportunity to pause and collect your thoughts. Plus, there's usually not an air of "we are talking specifically to see if we want to date and/or have casual sex" about the conversation when you first meet someone out. 

It can be jarring to hear someone's actual voice. You have an idea of what they might sound like based on their pics and the way they text, right? And then you talk to them... and it's NOTHING like you imagined. Perhaps the person wants to get to know you a little better before letting your voice ruin the whole thing.

Phone convos force you to be on your feet. Whether you are asked a question or your opinion on something, you've got to respond at that moment. And if you say you have to think about it, the other person might wonder why you don't want to answer. Texting affords you the time and clarity to come up with a response to the question that will a) satisfy the other person's curiosity, and b) make you seem funny and witty. Give yourself a little space to be the best you that you can be by taking a minute or two to respond.

Some people just aren't comfortable talking on the phone, especially with a stranger. That's not a reflection on interpersonal communication in 2019, it's just an observation that it's rough for some people to ease into the dating pool (especially if they are newly single), and they might panic and disappear if they are pressed to move forward too quickly.

Don't overthink things. Enjoy your back-and-forth via app and text. If things go on for weeks and the other person doesn't consent to a phone conversation, well... it wouldn't be a dealbreaker, but I'd be a little wary.

This is GOING DEEPER, a new feature where we go even further inside the warped female brain. The regular segment on the air runs every Thursday at 7:50am, but often, we don't get to dive very deep into answers because we get so many questions. Here, I'll attempt to go a bit deeper into one of the questions we get each week.