GOING DEEPER: Relationship Farts

July 19, 2018
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Welcome to GOING DEEPER, a new feature where we go even further inside the warped female brain. The regular segment on the air runs every Thursday at 7:50am, but often, we don't get to dive very deep into answers because we get so many questions. Here, I'll attempt to go a bit deeper into one of the questions we get each week.

This week's topic? Fahts. Passing gas. Flatulence. We've pretty much all been there... you're dating someone... maybe it's early in your relationship, and you just aren't comfortable letting one slip in front of your significant other. Perhaps you're nervous about the noise, or maybe you're more concerned with the smell. Either way, it can be a tough thing to let your guard down in front of someone you may not know that well.

I saw a survey last night that said most people, both men and women, will wait about nine months before passing gas in front of a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. I think that's a pretty accurate representation of what happens. This topic comes up in conversation from time to time with friends, (usually over brunch, but that doesn't bother me.) Sometimes all it takes is one accidental slip to break the ice, and then everyone is cool with it, and you can stop worrying.

I think many times, that happens during one of your first sleepovers. Picture it... there you are... half-asleep because it's a new bed and a new room and you can't really get comfortable, and you're not used to sleeping with this other person yet. The bed is unfamiliar, and your body can't really get in the right position, so maybe you've even got some air being trapped in your intestines because of the odd position you've arranged yourself in. So you're trying not to move so you don't wake up the other person, and you drift off a little bit, when all of a sudden... pffffffffft. There it is. One slipped out. You panic, freeze in fear, and hold tight to the covers. Did they hear it? Did they wake up? DOES IT SMELL? How quickly can I get my pants on and get out of here without him/her noticing? And what if you're the other person? You clearly heard the fart, or God forbid, you may have even felt it ON YOU, and now begins your own debate. Do you acknowledge it? Ignore it? Breathe a sigh of relief and let your own out? SO MANY OPTIONS TO WEIGH.

I know people who have just come right out and said, "hey, what's your stance on this? We cool? Can I fart?" I think it all really depends on you and the person whom you're with. If the other person is pretty chill, and you are too, you can get some early farting out of the way, and probably make it into a fun joke. If the other person is uptight, or you embarrass easily, you may want to hold off a little longer. Either way, it probably wouldn't hurt to stuff a dryer sheet between your cheeks... just in case.