GOING DEEPER: Don't Call Me Baby

August 17, 2018

Welcome to GOING DEEPER, a new feature where we go even further inside the warped female brain. The regular segment on the air runs every Thursday at 7:50am, but often, we don't get to dive very deep into answers because we get so many questions. Here, I'll attempt to go a bit deeper into one of the questions we get each week.

This week's topic? BABY NAMES. We got a question from a listener who became concerned when he discovered that the woman he had been dating for a mere six months had been keeping a list of baby names. Naturally, since you are pre-programmed to go worst case scenario right off the bat, you boys like to go off the deep end and assume that every little thing we do has to do with you. 

Pump the brakes. I'd be hard pressed to find a woman who *hasn't* amassed a list of baby names at some point in her life. Perhaps it was a mental list, or perhaps it was on paper. Maybe, given that it's 2018, she put it together in digital form. Regardless... people make lists to remember things. I've got a running list of about four to six names for girls that I've heard over the years and liked. The list changes depending on different factors... could be that the name wasn't popular when I decided I liked it, and then blew up to be the #2 girls' name that particular year. Well, then it's getting booted from the list because I want something unique for my non-existent child. I've often come up with a variation on a name that I thought was pretty or unique (without doing all the weird "lemme switch out a few vowels and consonants to make this spelling different than the common one" nonsense), and because my memory isn't great with certain things, I'll make note of it. I can recall a conversation I had with someone in Kindergarten, VERBATIM, but I will think of an item that I need to buy while in the supermarket, and the second I turn the corner to the next aisle, I've forgotten what it is.

I realize that it's natural for you to want to freak out and look for ways that your girl is demonstrating that she wants to lock your ass down with a home and family after five minutes, but not everything qualifies. You've been with this woman for six months, and her list of baby names isn't necessarily indicative of her wanting to have a family with you. I will, however, tell you when you need to worry: when your girl amends her list of names with YOUR last name... well then, it is reasonable to be panicking. I would be real careful about pulling the proverbial goalie next time you decide when drunk that you *don't* really need that condom after all. 

By the way, speaking of baby names, here's a fun stat for you: according to a new survey - that was commissioned by GoDaddy, so take that for what it's worth -20% of millennials say they've vetoed a baby name because the domain name wasn't available. Like, they wanted to name their kid Caden Axl, but someone already scooped up CadenAxl.com, so they had to readjust.  Let's see, is BraydenHuck.com taken?  What about JadenAtticus?  LaydenMilo?  SpraydenBeckett?  Millennial parenting is hard. So what do they think that domain name will be good for?

45% think their kid will use it for college applications

48% think their kid will use it one day when they're job searching

35% think their kid will want it for a personal website.  


Happy travels, kids.